This is going to be short and to the point. I am not going to use flowery language, "big" words or use metaphors. There is a huge discussion going on across the internet about what is being called "slut shaming." SS for short is basically shaming, calling out, looking down on, or talking shit about women who are considered "sluts." However slut is a subjective term, isn't it? Everyone of us comes from different backgrounds, so our opinion of what a slut is differs. For me, the main focus boils down to respect. The anti-slut shamers are saying that the problem here is the disrespect these women experience due to a long history of double standards. We shouldn't separate what men due and what women due in regards to sex. Some people disagree, and believe that women should be held more accountable for "promiscuous" behavior. Once again, promiscuous behavior is subjective. Uhhhh .....
I just want to assert that victims of rape are not sluts. They are victims. It is society failing women. Some people want to use this in their arguments against slut shaming. I feel like we should remove that completely from this conversation. Rape victims are innocent, no matter the context because no one has ownership of another person, nor the right to use another's body for their own devices. Using rape as an example of slut shaming feels like a crutch for proving that people's opinions of a woman's sexual behavior are justified to the extreme. Rapists are shitholes, that is obvious and isn't the point of the topic at hand. Anyone who shames a rape victim by saying, "She was asking for it", or, "Look at her appearance, what do you expect?" is ignorant should be covered separately in a discussion about society's lack of sympathy towards women in general.
Ok, now this is where I express my own opinions, so I apologize in advance if they are contrary to what you may think on the subject. For me, slut is universal, not designated for only women. I have met many a male slut, and many a female slut, too. Personally, male sluts are more disappointing to me because they are so widely accepted. A man being a slut is okay, and even honored, as if they are veterans with war experience. But what is a slut, you ask? For me, that is simple, but based on personal opinion. A slut is someone who does not respect themselves, and sleeps with strangers, sometimes constantly, for no other reason but to fulfill their sexual desires. Finally, a slut is not discreet about their sexual history and brags about the sheer number of partners they have slept with.
Well, what do you mean they don't respect themselves if they are promiscuous?
I feel if you respect yourself, it will show. Promiscuous individuals put their bodies at risk with every new person
they sleep with. For me, with the HPV epidemic being undetectable in STI
tests for men, a man can easily not know he has the virus, and spread
it to all of the women who he sleeps with. The same goes for women, as
they can pick HPV up from a man carrying the virus, who honestly did not
know he had it. This can and probably will lead to a lot of accusations
and denials, mostly out of ignorance. Do you know that the herpes virus
can lay dormant in a person's body, showing no sores for some? Some
people don't even know that when they get "cold sores" or "fever
blisters" that they have a STD? Ignorant people put promiscuous people
at risk. If you had respect for yourself, you would know this, and take
yourself out of the equation. It's bad enough that anyone can get an
STD, but to knowingly increase your chances because you're horny, or
bored, is disrespectful to yourself. And that makes you a slut, for
no real reason either.
Sluts go after sex because they have desires they want to fulfill. For me, a slut is like an alcoholic. An alcoholic likes to drink, and drinks to excess. We express our concerns for them, as we know that it is dangerous for their health. We don't rationalize the behavior of an alcoholic by saying, "Well, they like alcohol, who are we to judge them for drinking as much as they want?" We don't do that, we seek to help them. Is slut shaming helpful? Sometimes people need to see the truth in front of their faces in order to better themselves. So perhaps, it is.
I also feel as if privacy is something
we've slowly lost, due to social media and the constant need to connect
and share all the damn time. Personally, I keep my sex life private. No
one has the information to shame me. If you are "promiscuous' and
willingly tell people about your endeavors that you have to be open to
the fact that we as a society are ridiculously judgmental. People will
always judge others, no matter what anyone fights to try to stop. It is
called freedom of opinion. Unfortunately, people won't always agree with
your opinions.
Promiscuous people are not respected by society. Why? Who gives anyone the right to disrespect someone?
Respect is earned, regardless of the context. It is a subjective
situation where you have the option of deciding if someone is worthy
(yes worthy) of your respect or not. Disrespecting someone is different from not respecting someone. To disrespect is to treat someone poorly and without regard for their welfare. Not having respect for someone is everybody's right, as it reflects the situations you want to put yourself in and the people you want to be around. You can't tell me how to think and feel, so once again, I think this just boils down to changing society's opinion on what is right and wrong for women and men to do in regards to sexual encounters.
What if they can't or don't want to find one person to sleep with constantly?
What if they want to sleep with a lot of people?
Well, if you desire multiple sexual partners due to a disagreement with the institution of monogamy, then I am sorry, but for the foreseeable future you are a minority. You may even be considered a swinger. Open marriages/relationships are new to regular society, and would often be considered a fetish. However there are growing numbers of people who believe that monogamy is a religious/societal institution that is far antiquated and should no longer apply for humans. My argument is that wild animals mate for life, and so I see it as a biological need/desire to want to pair up.
If someone wants a steady sex partner/relationship but can't seem to make it work, or can't find the right person, and believes that the sex that happens during the "getting to know you" phase of dating can't be helped, what of them? If you have racked up a load of partners in your quest for love and commitment, then perhaps you should take a step back and think about what you are doing wrong, what you are attracted to, or what you really want in a relationship, because your current life path is not working.
But the main argument that the anti-slut shamers have is the sexist society double standards that dictate a man can sleep around, but a woman shouldn't, and if she does, she is a slut. Honestly, a woman can have sex with whoever she wants, but slut is a different degree of activity altogether. Don't waste your time defending a woman who will say yes to any guy or girl that wants her. You should be furious that she would "give" herself to these people so easily. Give? Yes, give. A man can give himself to a woman/man also. I feel as individuals, it is our duty to decide if we want to agree to a sexual contract. The anger and disappointment you feel should be better served on a woman's rights counsel or by writing feminist books, starting rallies, protests, etc. You can't change the way people think without working towards it, so stop blaming slut shamers for having these opinions that you see as wrong.
Let's start a conversation about this! Tell me what you think in the comments!
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