I admit it. I was sucked into YouTube. My brother pretty much got me using it to watch clips from TV shows he thought were funny. I won't bore you with a long explanation of why I started watching YouTube Let's Players, but it boils down to playing scary games and being unable to complete them due to being submersed in a pool of my own urine part-way through. I searched for the game that wrought my heart with terror, and came upon a whole community of people (mostly guys) who play various genres of video games on all different platforms. If I wanted to see someone much braver than myself play a scary game to completion, or watch a goofy fella dick around and talk to inanimate objects, or even be seduced by the silky smooth voice of a grown man-child playing something that borders on hentalia, the gaming world was at my doorstep.
Now you see all sorts doing 'Let's Plays', some obviously are better than others for a lot of different reasons. To put it simply, the one who invests the most money into their gadgets usually has better quality videos, and thus, garners more 'subscribers.' Now, you must understand that most of these people make a living (or rather, seek to) off of their channel, deriving from some sort of complicated algorithm involving clicks, ad revenue, subscribers, partnerships, etc. So basically these people want you to watch, and keep coming back. I think it's a great idea, and wish them well in these endeavors. For me, I enjoy watching these games get played to completion, as well as the journey to get there. Many 'Let's Players' use a webcam, some do not. Some 'Let's Players' really have no business putting their troll mugs on the internet, while others drooool...
Glowing, right? What's not to like? Well I'm a pissy bitch, so I find fault with everything. For the very first time here, I will list my qualms with 'Let's Players' (LPers, or LP for short, k? I'm lazy as well as pissy) in no particular order.
- The fucking comment section
Yeah, emboldened AND underlined. Have you ever read the comments under a video? You will be reminded that racism, sexism, ignorance, pestilence, war and genocide still exist, stronger and more self-centered than ever. Trolls don't even begin to encompass the issue here, because 9 times out of 10, the ridiculousness comes from normal people with access to the internet. Opinions are not respected, but taken as a call to arms for idiots and bigots alike. Think something is sexist? You shouldn't even BE on the internet when you should be making me a sandwich. Think something is racist? Well just go back to Africa, you camel-riding terrorist. Something spelled wrong? FUCK YOU, CUNT TRAP! :3 <333333
Yeah, wow, right? Who would even bother commenting on something here? Well the answer in short is that sometimes you want to, but don't count on it ever being seen as it is likened to casting a pebble in a fast-running stream. It is sure to be swept away in a sea of stupidity, and people who should really be reading 'Hooked on Phonics', and not YouTube comments. My trouble with the comment sections also stems from something else, which leads me to my next point.
- Fan bases and "armies"
Yes, an army, I'm not even kidding. Just to be clear, people of all ages watch LPers, but a gross majority (gross as in total, dum dums) of the eyes that watch these videos are attached to the bodies of children. So yes, let's whip these little sugar-addicted, profanity using, socially awkward kiddos into a frenzy by telling them that they're in an army now, some 12 million strong, and allow them to run wild and free across message boards after school. Great idea, Felix.
The Heavenly Lord our savior Pewdiepie aside, LPer fan bases are fucking annoying as shit. As I said, they're kids, and while I must emphasize that I love kids, I really do, these kids are at the age where they think that they're little adults who are beyond reproach. They also have the added security of being fairly anonymous, which leads to the little megalomaniacs' desire to troll the ever living shit out of anyone and everyone, if mommy and daddy sent them to bed without dessert. While a good deal of the commenters are harmless, some of those little shits really pick fights for no apparent reason at all. Heaven forbid you go against anything the LPer says or does, for thou hath brought down the wrath of a thousand Suns onto a once peaceful plain of existence. Some of these kids need a reality check. Some of these kids need to realize that these people are not your friend, your lover, or your family, yeah.
Not every thought or idea that you have about a video or LPer needs to be expressed at all times. Telling someone that they're hot, sexy, cute, funny, <33333, :3, etc. is not necessary if it's already been said 2,345 times above and below your eventual comment. Some of these kids need to find the originality within them, and realize that these poor guys (and girls, but mostly guys) hear that drivel day in and out, and perhaps your incessant nonsense turns them off from reading the comments entirely, leaving your proclamation of love unheard. This in turn leaves them tired and bitter, perhaps even overwhelmed. They will be less likely to read your fan messages, and more likely to hit 'mass delete' in the future. Ever wonder how your favorite LPer has been turned into a venom-spitting were-beast whom darkens the corners of the internet making fun of their followers? It's because of YOU! Get a life, get a job, do some fucking chores, write your mid-term, just stay the fuck away from heart symbols and kitty faces for like, a month or two. Believe me, many people's sanity will be saved due to your heroic choice. Maybe even watch more porn? I mean, it's not like anyone is supervising your internet usage, have orgasms instead of nuclear meltdowns if Johnnysgrrrl347 says that Sp00n sucks. Sp00n does suck. He sucks a lot.
- No One Wants to See Your Girlfriend
Lately it seems that every time a LPer gets some snatch on the regular, he's out to make that snatch a STAH!! While I'm glad that you now have found your one and only/cuddly babycakes/soft, warm cum dumpster, I really don't give a shit about her channel, brah. I understand that she has received your essence upon or inside of her body on numerous occasions, but she is not you. She does not have your personality, nor does she have what made you into a success. If you respected your fans at all, you would see that this out of anything else, is the biggest, most blatant money grab that exists on YouTube, and that is really saying something. I really don't want to harp on Pewds any more than I have, but it essentially started when he gave his woman a YouTube channel. And before you say, "He didn't give her a channel, anyone can start a channel!", I'm gonna tell you to sit the fuck down and listen to me, because that is exactly what he did. Pewdiepie was red hot, and accumulating viewers at a rapid rate, and in linking to her channel, and frequently featuring her in his videos, as well as being in her videos, she was able to get hits and subscribers, far more than if she "just started on her own." And his "army" would lick the swamp-ass sweat from his computer chair, so you know they are watching her videos out of solidarity. On her channel she gives beauty tips, and honestly I find that funny since her makeup game is tired as hell. It's like she wakes up in the morning and goes, "Hmmm, how should I do my makeup today? Oh, how about pale pink lipstick and cat eye liner?" Think I'm joking? I'm fucking not. Hey girl, I got a tip for you
So that worked out well for them, he doesn't have to pay and tip the delivery man in full anymore, they go halfies. Other LPers get some strange and follow in formation. I mean, most of them even play the same fucking games as their boyfriends! Come on, guys, get a grip. Try shouting your love from the rooftops, instead of putting a bitch to work, it's degrading. To all of us.
- You are neither Siskel nor Ebert
Look, this whole entire post is one long rant, here, but in reality, nobody likes a whiner (God, I hope somebody likes a whiner.) So if you are gonna play a game, PLAY THE GAME. Don't spend the entire video critiquing everything, and giving advice to the creators, because at this stage, even if it's in Beta, it's probably not changing much. The fact that you can actually find it online and play it is a hint to that fact. I know that when you play a lot of games that you can almost predict where things are gonna go, and a lot of game creators use the same cliche sound effects/music/plot/character backgrounds/etc., but if it bothers you that much, don't play the game. Honestly, find something else to play. Almost any viewer will tell you that if a LPer is not into the game, it will not be enjoyable to watch. Your dislike of the game will permeate the screen and negatively affect your viewers. They may also think that you're a dick.
If you cannot find any other game to play, play that shit anyway, and when I say play, I mean immerse yourself in the game. There is a time and place where you can suggest ideas or changes to the gameplay, and that time is not throughout the entire video. Save that shit for the end, so I can turn it off. But to play, for instance, a horror game, and not take it seriously or not listen to ambient noises/music, the game will not be scary because you're blathering on about how the AI's movement is wonky, as it's chasing you down a long corridor filled with bleeding cadavers. You suck. You're ruining the experience for your viewers. And, to take it further, who the hell are you to critique anyone? How many game have you made? ....... None?! Wow, shut the fuck up, then!
I don't mean to come off harshly, it's just that when your viewers watch a game being played, they want to get into the story, too. It's not just about you, homes, your channel is bigger than you and by constantly ridiculing what you're providing your fans with as entertainment, it becomes less about fun and more about disappointment. If your standards are so high, then why are you playing a free indie game, made by college seniors? Fuck off kindly, sir.
Before you rip my head off and feed it to wild, stray dogs, I need you to understand something. I watch LPers as frequently as I can, and this is just me pulling threads and complaining about what I've been seeing on YouTube for a while. I can't post this in the comment section, obviously, so this is just me going off on a long awaited tangent about the many annoying aspects of being a YouTube watcher. I respect these LPers and wish them well, honestly. Also, I do understand that the videos they provide are free, and that they have no responsibilities to anyone but themselves. I am not out to hurt or harm any of them, I just wanted to get this outta me before I became the very thing I hate most, a fucking troll. And not a cute, wacky-haired Treasure Troll, because those are awesome, but a nasty, lonely, hate-filled bridge troll who only lumbers out to make shitty comments and rile up fans. That's not me, that is not who I am. I appreciate the entertainment I am given, and no, I don't hate Marzia, that was just a joke. All Italian women are hairy, alright? I don't think Sp00n sucks, either, I'd tap that. I do hate Markiplier, though, so do with that as you will.
Have any thoughts on YouTubers? I'd love to start a conversation about this, as I have yet to find anyone talking about it at all! Then be sure to comment on my post, and remember to like/favorite/subscribe..... ;3
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