I Don't Give Two Sh!ts About the Royal Baby, and How I Freakily Sympathize with Lindsay Lohan

Hurray! The Royal baby is born! Don't know how many pounds it weighs, nor the length. It's a boy.  It was also a slow news day in America, obviously.  Can someone honestly explain to me why anyone outside of Great Britain should give two shits about this?  This is bringing me back to the Royal wedding, when people were throwing parties and taking off of work to celebrate two people who they mean absolutely nothing to and will never ever meet.  South Park made a great parody of the Royal Wedding craziness, and it was one of the funnier new episodes that I've seen in a while. Take 31 seconds to laugh at the pomp and circumstance involved in all things Royal.

My favorite part is when they throw Cap'n Crunch, as is tradition.

STOP TELLING ME TO JOIN THE PEACE CORP., or How Men Don't Understand the Limitations of Women in Foreign Countries

So this is going to stem from a lot of personal strife going on right now, but bear with me.  I live with my parents and have an older brother who tries to be my voice of reason/guiding light.  He set out on his own when he was in his teens, and made a good life for himself taking on EMT jobs and working ridiculous hours of overtime.  Flash forward 25 years and I'm now his target for life enrichment.  He'll tell me to shop at Good Will to save money, and encourages me to enroll in schools out of state.  Those are great tips, but when he told me to join the Peace Corp. I realized that he may just be talking out of his ass.

A Post About the MLB All-Star Game That Got Buried By OH MY GOD, IS THAT GORDON RAMSAY?!?!

So I was gonna blog about how much I fucking hate sporting events, and how it brings out the worst in us all, which I will, but first of all I have EXCITING NEWS! Gordon Ramsay's 'Kitchen Nightmares' is filming across the street from my house!  At a restaurant that I've actually eaten at before!  That being said, I know you may be thinking, "Excuse me, Spazzo, but I thought you hated celebrity chefs?", and to that I would answer, "No. No, I don't." 

You see, Gordon Ramsay is irritable and loud, angry and ridiculous, but that's only for American TV audiences.  If you watch his shows, broadcasted on BBC-America, you see that he is a great guy who actually gives a damn, and has his heart in the right place.  American Gordon Ramsay is basically blonde Robert Irvine, but dudes gotta make bank somehow, right?

See? He loves cute baby animals! Granted, he's probably gonna skin and eat it, but who's counting?

Who the Fuck Watches These Shows, or How Dan Auerbach Derailed My Post

My posting here is pretty random, and it has a lot to do with the fact that life happens (sometimes, and sometimes life doesn't happen but there are videos on how to freeze soda instantly that I have to watch.) Also adding to my lack of a posting schedule is the fact that I'm fucking lazy, and honestly, I have no clue what to write about. So today I'm going to vent some more about things that drive me nuts, T.V. edition.  This is going to be pretty hodge-podge, so bear with me because I swear you'll like it(that's what I  said).

# 1 - Robert fucking Irvine.  Who, right? This motherfucker.

Ugh, God I hate him so much. GAHHH!!

Now my main goal is to type enough words so that I don't have to see his smug self flexing at me anymore.

My Ongoing Troubles with Google (or the Evil Overlords of Our Personal Information)

Let me start by saying that I have a Gmail account. I've had this account since before the installation of their Google+ Facebook rip-off, social-media-wannabe feature that basically facilitates, or rather INSTIGATES, the connection between your email, YouTube and any other Google owned media sites onto one dashboard.

YouTube was never owned by Google until recently, and now you must, I repeat MUST link your email account to your YouTube account to continue accessing it. Now, when this was initially implemented, I was fine with it. I linked my YouTube account with no issues. Or so I thought.

I hate SCREEN SIZED POP UP ADVERTISEMENTS!!!!!!

So anyway, I was going to my usual Friday night viewing of hot shirtless men on TheBerry.com, and while on there a HUGE CAPITAL ONE AD pops itself up on me. Holy fuck. It was the size of the whole screen and, mind you, it "crashed" into the screen, with glass-shattering special effects and shit. I thought I was going to DIE!

...Overtly dramatic? Nah. But it did freeze up my screen every single time I went to a new page. And the teeny tiny little x{close} button on the bottom has THE NERVE to open itself up a new tab and direct me to their website.

What? Huh? You bastards...

Is it too much to ask that having ads on TOP, on the SIDES, on the BOTTOM, and even between posts is enough when viewing a website? Like, when I close my browser, will I turn to my right and see a huge ad levitating in front of me like this episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force?

 

This is my 1st post. You can tell because it's the only one on here.

Hello, how are you? My name is The Spazz, because this is my blog and I can call myself what ever I want. First off, I'm gonna lay down a few ground rules, 'cuz this is kinda like having a consensual one night stand. This blog is gonna be filled with nothing close to coherent thought, mostly it'll be just my rambling on and on about either celebrities or tv shows, and intermittently my life, which is great. Also, it'll be filled with sarcastic remarks like that one. You can come here for a laugh because I swear I'll be able to read your mind and talk about exactly what is itching your butt crack at the moment. I'll link to a few websites I like, suggest some entertaining shows or movies, and shove my terrible taste in music down your throat. I'll save that for a little bit later but I assure you it'll be a real treat. I also have an immense displeasure for commercials, so I'll be skewering those pretty much daily. In summation, once this thing gets going it'll be a real riot. I think this will be the start of a beautiful and shameful friendship.